The 4 Quarters
Quarter 1: The Woman Who Had It All and Didn’t Know It
Let me take you back to a girl I used to know.
She was nineteen years old. Smart. Hardworking. Trying to figure out who she was and where she was going.
And she already had a voice in her head that whispered she wasn’t quite enough.
Maybe you know that voice. Maybe you’ve had your own version of it for as long as you can remember. That quiet, persistent hum underneath everything that says “You’re behind. You’re not enough. Who do you think you are?”
That was me. Long before life got complicated. Long before I had any real reason to doubt myself.
And then at nineteen, I found out I was pregnant.
The Moment Everything Got Real
I want to be honest with you because I think honesty is where healing starts.
Finding out I was pregnant at nineteen was terrifying. Not because I didn’t want her, I just didn’t know yet how much I would. It was terrifying because of what I imagined I was doing to the people I loved most.
My parents. My grandmothers. The people who had poured everything into me.
I was sure I had let them all down.
I told them. I braced myself.
And what I got back was love. Disappointment, yes. They were human and honest about it. But love was louder than the disappointment. They wrapped their arms around me and said “we’ve got you. It’s going to be ok”
On November 24th, 1987, Erin arrived my mom by my side and family waiting to hear the news.
She was a bright light for everybody.
How Q1 Really Began
Erin & I were living with my parents. I worked part time, and mom watched Erin. I enrolled at UTA (University of Texas at Arlington) when Erin was almost 9 months old.
But that first week of school at UTA, before life got any more complicated, God slipped something beautiful in.
I met Fred.
After realizing that school really wasn’t for me after 2 semesters, I found a full time job. My mom continued to watch Erin during the day until she decided my girl needed some socialization. When Erin turned two she went to daycare and I kept going. Kept showing up.
But now I wasn’t doing it alone anymore.
And I’ll be honest with you about something else I carried back then underneath all the hard work and the showing up was a fear I didn’t say out loud to many people:
Who is going to want to marry me with a child?
Fred answered that question without me ever having to ask it.
The Family We Built
We took our time. We built something real. In 1991 we got married and this little family of three became official. Erin was three years old and life was full of possibility.
In 1993, Nicholas arrived on October 25th. Erin was six and already in school. I was working full time, volunteering, showing up everywhere for everyone and mostly happy in it.
That’s the thing about Q1. The giving feels like joy because love is fueling every single bit of it.
Then on January 25th, 2000 — Antonio and Marco arrived.
Identical twin boys.
Erin was twelve. Nicholas was six. And just like that I had a teenager, a grade schooler, and two newborns under one roof.
If Q1 had a grand finale — that was it. 🎉
What Made Q1 Glow
Here’s what I want you to know about Q1: It wasn’t perfect. Not even close.
Marriage is work. Blending a family is work. Four kids spanning thirteen years is definitely work.
And that voice? The one that had been whispering since before Erin was even born? It never fully went away. It just got quieter when love was loud enough to drown it out.
Faith was woven through all of it; present from the very beginning, even when life got noisy. Even when I couldn’t hear God clearly over the sound of four kids and a full life, He was there. Holding everything together underneath.
That’s Q1. Full. Loud. Tired. Grateful. Glowing.
Not because everything was perfect. But because purpose has a way of making even the hard stuff feel like it means something.
When Q1 Started to Shift
It didn’t happen with a crash.
It happened the way the tide goes out. Slowly, quietly, while you’re busy looking somewhere else.
By the time the twins arrived in 2000 something had already started to shift. We had moved to Virginia from Texas with two kids, had two more, Fred’s career was taking off, which was wonderful and also meant more of the home, the kids, the volunteering, the everything landed on me.
I was doing it all. Cheerfully at first. Then dutifully. Then quietly with some resentment settling in because all I could think about was how tired I was and that I had so little time for myself.
I felt invisible. And when you feel invisible long enough, you start to believe that’s just who you are now.
That’s not Q1 anymore.
That’s where Q2 begins.
A Question Worth Sitting With
Think back to YOUR Q1 – that season when love was new and purpose felt clear and even the hard stuff felt worth it.
Can you remember her? That woman?
Can you remember your dreams? What you wanted to do or be? Hobbies?
Maybe she was nineteen and scared like I was. Maybe she was thirty and just hitting her stride. Maybe she’s still in there somewhere underneath all the years of giving.
How long did YOUR Q1 last? And when did you first feel the tide start to go out?
You don’t have to answer out loud. Just sit with it.
She’s still in there. I promise.
Do not forget yourself.
Stay with me. There are 3 more quarters to go. It gets real before it gets good.
But it does get good.
Cindy
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